-First Journal-

Well, Up has definitely inspired some soul searching, as well as a big change in my decision for what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. That started more than a month and a half to two months ago, Monday was the 1 month anniversary of my 25th viewing (wow, seems much longer). I had a word with my old art professor I had last semester about becoming an animator, as well as talking with my adviser in the Game Design program about me changing majors. I would give anything to go to art school.

Get ready ladies and gents, there's some deep reading here, my heart fell out onto this journal tonight.

I've said it thousands of times by now, but I'll say it again. Up has driven some amazing things out of me, things I never though I was capable of until now. Looking back, I'm thinking this HAS to mean something, it HAS to be a sign. Someone is pointing me towards Pixar, the signs are just screaming at me. I was sucked into their world so quickly and became so enthralled with what they do so intensely, it's unlike anything I've ever become interested in ever in my life. Something with meaning, something that I believe I can truly express myself in, something that has finally put a lot of motivation in my life, and something that has become so overwhelmingly incredible in my eyes that I would be an absolute fool to ignore this thing, it's almost like it's calling for me. I may sound like a complete idiot saying such things, but this is the most influential and incredible experience I've ever had, I've finally found some sort of direction I can go in.

This has gone beyond my love for the film Up itself. Looking at everything Pixar does, what they stand for, the kind of people that work there, it all seems to fit me like a glove. I've never felt so intensely anxious about my future. I don't plan on growing up any time soon, but I want to so bad just for the sake of this amazing opportunity. Thanks to what Pixar embodies, I can keep both intact, my inner child, and my outer progression and maturity. They seem like the type of people that search for the greatest, but also the most passionate, which I'm almost positive I can bring to the table, even if I can't become a great animator like I want to. Then again, that's just wishful thinking. I know I'm gonna have to work my tail off, and I accept the challenge with arms wide open.

The idea of me going out and pursuing this dream I've developed has really changed the way I do things, I never thought I'd be writing a journal about anything, let alone what my future may hold. I've finally found an outlet for this insatiable inner spirit of mine to manifest what ever may come. People tell me I'm so enthusiastic, which I can agree with, but I finally found the way I want to use that in my life, I never thought it would get me anywhere. I think I finally understand why I have so much passion for what I love. I want to share it, with anyone and everyone, but people resist because I can't control myself and it just scares them away. Pixar seems like such an amazing place to just let loose everything that's been brewing inside me for years and years. I may not have any creative ideas yet, but I'll be damned if I don't drive something to the core for what it's worth; It's who I am. It just needs to be something I am really passionate about.

Looking at art schools can be incredibly daunting, but at the same time, it's entrancing. The curriculum seems so robust and incredible, I need to get my hands dirty with this stuff. I'm so anxious to progress and dive into the art world, hopefully with a spot in Emeryville's crown jewel at the finish line. I want this so bad it's become almost a need for me. In order for me to love this life for what I think it's worth, I NEED to pursue this, and if it's possible, I NEED to end up at Pixar, I feel this way with all my soul. Nothing's ever crawled into me so deeply like this before, something must be being set right in me.

Now all I have to do is apply myself, and follow my passion. I just need to figure out how to get off my lazy butt,...

As for my support for all the things I've been through lately, overwhelming thanks to the following people:

Mitch

Hannamation
thewisecookiesheet
CaptainPan
thedriveintheater
Simon-Simon
Beeju
wannabechef91
rachelcakes1985
lizardgirl
Bryko614
Violet Parr
And the rest of Pixar Planet, you guys are truly amazing.

My offline friends, Jared, Denver, Quince, Turk, Harp, Charity, Chris, Gates, Saunders, Josh, Corey, Ryan, and Christian. Thanks guys.

If this takes off, I'll miss you all.